Relationships, of any kind, are always going to have their ups and downs. LDRs are no exception. In fact, I would argue they are more likely to have the moments of "this sucks". Because let's face it, you're far away from someone you love. Within this blog, and this post in particular, I'll be speaking from my own experience with a romantic relationship, but of course this applies to all kinds - friends, family, and partners. Platonic or not, being away from a loved one can hurt... a lot.
In my experience, I've found that allowing myself to be sad and have days or moments or waves helps. It helps to speak to the one you miss. It helps to curl up in bed and watch a feel good film or show or listen to music. It helps to reach out to friends and talk. It helps to go out and get fresh air. Anything and everything that isn't hurting you will help you. It's just a matter of finding what that is.
I want this blog to be a positive space. I want to inspire and encourage and share moments of my life that are happy. But of course, things aren't always that way and I don't want to shy away from the realness of my world. Right now, in 2022, my world is split in two. I have my life in Canada with friends, family, work, and other connections. And then I have my life in Scotland with J where I have things and we're preparing for me to move next year. My LDR experience as always been about trying to find a healthy balance between my life. I want to give J as much time as possible. But between school (when I was a student), work, family, and friends... there isn't always enough time in the day. Remember to breathe. Set aside time for yourself. With J being 8 hours ahead, my time with him is set between my morning and afternoon. Which hasn't always been a bad thing, but it definitely sucks when I'm feeling particularly sad or missing him, and wishing that we could do an evening date or play games late or even just sit in bed together. I don't always get that with him unless we're visiting. And that sucks.
Driving someone you love to the airport always hurts a little, even if it's a trip of a lifetime for them and you know they'll be back soon. Or maybe that's just me; I've always had a bit of a soft spot for things like that. Dropping your partner off at the airport is no different. I remember during our first visit in 2017, I was thinking about it from the day I picked J up. We had two weeks together and I was already dreading the day he had to leave. Over time, I've found that yes, those thoughts are going to be there, but it's gotten easier to enjoy our time and not worry about that moment in the airport. With that said, I still tell J when he's visiting that I'm sad, or worrying about him leaving, or whatever it is that I am feeling, and he does the same. Be open with yourself and your partner. Share your feelings and thoughts and concerns. Because when it comes down to it, when you're standing at security in the airport knowing the moment you let go of their hand or release the hug they're going to walk through the doors and be gone for a period of time, it's going to hurt A LOT. But at least you know you're not alone. You both feel the same and just know you'll come out the other side of the pain and sadness feeling better. It just takes time.
The days after a visit are always gentle and full of video calling and phone calls for us. We check in with each other. Allow our sadness to be present rather than attempting to bury it. On days when we haven't seen each other in a while, or we're feeling a little distant (which is normal!), or that wave of sadness comes, it's ok to change the plans for the day. It's ok to take a step back if needed. It's ok to need more time with your partner than normal. Believe me when I say that how you feel when you miss someone is ok. Always.
In reality, most of my days are happy and positive. I always miss J and wish he could be with me, whatever I might be up to, but most days it doesn't bring me down. I know he wants me to enjoy myself and that we'll get our time. I like being able to tell him what I've gotten up to and hearing what he's done that day. But on those days when it suddenly hits you just how much you miss someone... give a pillow a squeeze, cry it out, listen to music (happy or sad), and let yourself be upset.
Wherever you are, whoever you miss, just know, it's ok to be sad.
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