Long time no write, huh? Well, big news! I have officially relocated to Scotland and have been settling in for the last 4 months. There have been A LOT of ups and downs. Crying. Missing home. Being scared. But I'm here. J and I made it through so much to get to this point and somedays I just stop to think: "Wow. We really did this. We made it work and I'm here. I moved." So, how did I get to this point?
For months I researched, gathered information, and planned. J and I had a lot of discussions and started so many Google Docs to help keep us organized. I had to know what the visa needed. A million questions built up. How much money do I need? How do I move x, y, and z and is it worth it? What about medical records? Do I transfer my I.D.? Is that possible? How do I file my taxes? Moving money? Opening accounts? And so many more. It took a lot of time, but J and I slowly figured things out and over the months, I became more and more comfortable with my understanding of the U.K. Ancestry Visa and how it works. I also had a lot of lists. I needed to know what to do in the months before I moved, the week before, the first week here... it took a lot of planning. I was scared. I had to tell my family I was moving. I needed to put in my notice at work. I had to decide what was coming with me, what was being donated, and what could be stored at my mom's until further notice. I was sad about leaving behind books, and furniture, and blankets. I wanted to bring as much of my life as possible with me to feel comfortable in Scotland and at J's. In the end, I had 4 suitcases and a laptop bag packed for on the plane. I shipped my field hockey stick and hoped for the best. J and I made lists of furniture and items I would want or need right away, as well as what we would want to start buying for our future. We have a good collection going now!
For my first week, I had a list of what needed done. I needed to pick up my BRP card, apply for a NIN, pick up my debit card for my HSBC UK account (which I was able to open in Canada because I also have a HSBC Canada account), buy a SIM card, and apply for jobs. I also had little things to keep myself going and find a routine. Go for daily walks. Get a library card. Organize my things. Anything and everything that would keep me busy and let me settle as best as possible. As expected, the first few weeks were hard.
It also felt like a trip or visit to J's rather than a permanent stay. I had to transition from "I'll be leaving in 2 weeks" to what our plans would be for dinner in 2 weeks, or would I have a job yet, or how would I be feeling. The best thing I did before I moved was look into a local hockey team and contact the coach. I was able to join right away (a week after moving!). It really helped me to find a sense of purpose early on, meet local people, and get some fresh air in the darkness of a Scottish January.
As the days went by in the early weeks of moving, I missed home more than anything. I missed my mom and sister and my cat Buddy (heck, I still do and it's been 4 months). And I allowed myself to feel ok with being sad. I had to let it out. I was so anxious and scared and a lot of what-ifs crossed my mind on the daily. I missed my bed. My bedroom. Having my own space. I missed my shower and kitchen and having my mom's baked goods. My mom and sister both gave me recipe books they hand wrote for Christmas so that I could take recipes with me. J was my rock through these moments. He was always there when I felt like I couldn't breathe. It sounds dramatic, but I was really suffering for a while. It wasn't constant or 24/7. I would be ok one moment and crack the next. I knew it would be tough on me to move and leave behind all that I've known for 24 years, but it broke my heart in more ways than I thought. But through it all, I knew that I was happy here and that I wanted to stay. Even if I had nights where all I could do was cry to J that I wanted to go home or that I couldn't do this. Because once the morning came and I had a new day ahead of me, I felt ready to get through whatever came at me.
I call home every week and have constant texts going back and forth with my mom and sister. I get snapchat updates of Buddy. I message friends on discord. It's helped to have set days to call home so that the week doesn't pass by without any contact. Moving to Scotland has been lonely for me, I'll be honest. But it's getting easier and hopefully I can find my place socially soon. J has been really good at helping me to settle in and find my place in the house and local area. He uses my mom's recipes to cheer me up, helps me get out of the house, has gone on day adventures, planned picnics, and took me to a Cat Café in Edinburgh when I missed Buddy too much. We've been to the zoo, played games together, and been to a concert. I feel very lucky that J is my partner through all of this because I really couldn't have made it this far without him.
I feel like as time goes on, I grow more confident in myself and what I am capable of. I can run errands and get myself into town. I can navigate phone calls and appointments. I go for walks and know shortcuts and different routes. It might seem like small things, but relearning a new area in a new country isn't always easy and the small things can really add up to helping you feel at home. One thing that has really been helping, other than time and patience, is the weather. Of course it's Scotland so rain is inevitable, but the sun has been shining and it makes me want to be outside and smiling. I send snapchats and texts to my friends and family back home whenever I see something cool out on walk. I'll take pictures specifically to show my sister because I think she'll like it (e.g. this cherry blossom photo I took while on a walk with J!). It's lighter out later and something about that just adds a bit of pep to my step, you know?
Of course I've missed out on a lot of details, experiences, and how-to's for my move to Scotland so far. But this is what has come to mind at this 4 month check-in. So far J and I have navigated a lot of ups and downs, and things we didn't see coming, but we're still here, still going, and feeling good about it. We're settling into living with each other and finding
routines that work. And sometimes things you thought would take longer to happen, come about a lot quicker, or vice versa. I thought I would start working right away, but didn't. J and I thought we would adopt pets once we moved into our own place, but ended up adopting a bonded pair of cats this month. Things just happen. And right now I feel ok with going with the flow. Yes, I wish some things would happen already. Or wouldn't take so long. But I'm here and I'm with J and things are good. I'm where I want to be.
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